Five Times the Doctor Jumped Out of the Wrong Cake
by RicardianScholar Clark-Weasley
Summary: the Doctor told Rory he had a habit of jumping out of the wrong cake. here's a few examples of what he might have meant...


**1. Hen Night**

"So then I was stuck waiting outside as backup while the cake was wheeled in" Sarah Jane said as Rose and Mickey leaned forward. "He jumped out, stripy scarf and all with his alien device beeping like crazy only to endure several high girly squeals and loud disco music. The bride to be was trying to get him out of his scarf and coat when I came in"

Rose and Mickey roared with laughter.

"So what happened next?" Rose asked still giggling. Mickey was struggling to not cry he was laughing so hard.

"He said 'sorry wrong cake' and ran off with his tail between his legs. I never seen a man so terrified before in my life" Sarah was laughing now at the memory. "It didn't help that the women were determined to have him strip for them. We had to run three streets for the TARDIS and they were still banging on the doors till we dematerialised"

They all laughed together loudly. The Doctor walked in the room, his smile slipping slightly as the companions laughed even harder at the sight of him.

"What?" he asked.

They carried on laughing.

"No seriously, what?"

"Wrong...cake" Mickey finally got out.

"Oh not that again!" the Doctor growled storming out of the kitchen in the huff leaving the three humans to laugh even more.

**2. Through a Portal **

"Quick, jump through there!" the Doctor shouted over his shoulder before jumping through the dimension portal.

He had no idea where it would take him but anywhere was better than having laser beams shooting at him. After falling for what felt like a very long time the Doctor landed in something small and claustrophobic inducing. He felt his way up to where the little hatch was and pushed hard.

He came out of a cake.

He came out of a stripper cake that was meant for a Dictator that looked very cross and had a gun.

Oh dear.

Suddenly the cake fell sideways as Donna Noble came through the dimension portal.

"There you go, here's your stripper for the night gents!" the Doctor said cheerfully.

"What?" Donna screeched.

Then she saw the guns and tried her best to look sexy. The Doctor thought she looked rather constipated but hey it worked for the dirty old politicians.

"You" she said between gritted teeth, "are so dead"

**3. Jack's Stag Night **

"Tada!" the Doctor said holding his arms out wide for his audience to applause him.

There was a moment of silence with cheesy music playing in the background. Several different aliens blinked looking confused. The Doctor didn't understand why they were confused he was supposed to be the surprise guest for their important leader. He had been asked to do this by them.

"Doc! What a brilliant surprise" Jack grinned.

"Oh it's you" the Doctor said flatly.

He was not impressed with Jack's new costume which had forgone a shirt and was just tight black leather pants and boots. He jumped out of the cake and took in his surroundings. This was most definitely not the palace. It was some sort of club. A sleazy club since Jack was there half naked.

"What's all this?" he asked curiously.

"I'm getting married" Jack said ecstatically. "Tomorrow in fact. This is my Stag Night"

"Oh that poor woman...or man" the Doctor exclaimed.

"It's a he-she actually. Which just means even better sex" Jack said with a filthy smile. "Now then, where's my lap dance?"

"What?" the Doctor squawked. Jack pulled the Doctor down onto his lap while the Doctor kept fighting to escape. "Let me go! I refuse to do this! I'm supposed to be talking politics with the leader-"

"Oh but isn't this more fun than politics?" Jack whispered huskily.

"SOMEONE HELP ME!"

**4. Mickey and Martha's Wedding Cake **

Mickey and Martha shared one last sweet kiss before they grabbed hold of the knife together. Bright flashes almost blinded them as their friends and family took photos of them. They moved to cut the cake when it suddenly burst open and the Doctor stood there grinning manically in his tux of doom.

"Surprise!" he shouted gleefully. "Congratulations!"

They dropped the knife in shock and Mickey's grip on Martha tightened. "Why the hell are you in our wedding cake?" he demanded.

"Tish asked me to. Said it would surprise Martha" the Doctor said.

"Oh trust me. I'm very surprised" Martha muttered.

"You do realise that this isn't a real cake right? Which is a shame really because I love cake. All sorts of cakes, wedding, birthday, and random cakes you buy at the bakeries. But I especially the icing the icing is go-"

"You idiot!" Tish hissed, her cheeks a bright red. "I told you to come to the Hen Night in a cake not the wedding!"

There was a moment of silence. Half of the Jones' family looked like they wanted to kill the Doctor. Mickey had just picked up the knife and had a very murderous glint in his eyes, Jack had started laughing hysterically and his Torchwood team had immediately reached for their wine glasses.

"Ah...this is awkward" the Doctor said tugging at his ear.

**5. In Front of the Council **

The Brigadier was going to turn fifty soon and it had been some of his old friends who came up with this suggestion. The Doctor didn't know why the Brigadier would want someone jumping out of the cake. Something about the element of surprise but if they wanted the Doctor there and it would cause a few laughs, why not?

"Tada!" the Doctor said holding his arms out wide for his audience to applause him. "Surp...oh fuck" he said when he realised that he was not at the birthday party but somewhere completely different.

"Language young man!" a stern woman with grey hair scolded him.

"Sorry" he mumbled.

His cheeks were turning a bright red and he suddenly had the urge to run away and hide under his bed. To never come out ever again. even if he's bribed with jelly babies.

The man seated at the head of the table stood up. His red robes made him look less of a strict school headmaster and more of her furious pope. Which really was far worse.

"Consider yourself exiled Doctor" he said coldly. "Again"

The Doctor left the room feeling rather embarrassed with himself. He was going to give the TARDIS a right telling off for taking him to the wrong planet. Again.


End file.
